Recovery Mode

 Finding out that you have a cancerous lump is scary.
What is even scarier is the speed with which all the wheels of treatment start.  Scary because when there is speed in treatment means it is very serious.

Two weeks after finding out, surgery. Three weeks later meet with the Radiology Oncologist, one week later the Medical Oncologist.  Two days later radiology mapping is done. Eight days after that starts the radiation which for me will be 25 treatments over 5 weeks.

Three months of giving your life over to the medical establishment completely and absolutely if you choose that route.  Which I have.

At this point I am a day away from mapping where I hear I will have a CT Scan and be marked up with permanent marker. (These colours will join the still blue stains from blue dye injection to locate sentinel lymph nodes. I am over joyed. I am a colouring book.) Then I will get 3 small pinprick tattoos to assist in the actual radiation procedure.

All of this is to reduce the chance of cancer returning because it was all removed in surgery.  I am glad..no not the word... thankful ...that I got my lump checked on. I am thankful that it was a small tumour that I could feel while it was small.  I am thankful there is a location and a system in my community where I can get help keeping the cancer away from me for as long as possible.

I had a day away from all of this on Sunday when I spent a day on the beach. Yes under a canopy with lots of sunscreen and a hat. No sunburn this year. I needed to stop and breath deeply before more dragging through the healing system.

Sunset over Georgian Bay

Happy 65th Birthday to my ever patient husband.

Winter's Sweet Grip

 I have blogged on the Little Green House Blog too!
http://lghwhitby.blogspot.ca/2014/02/february-2014.html


Would I really call it sweet?  Right now it is beautiful outside.  Bright white snow and beautiful sun (Oh the Beautiful sun!) making it look sweet and sugary.  Although warmer the past few days it is still c-c-cold! The ice is also reflecting the sun making the house behind us shimmer.
It is during winters like this that I wish I could be a person who loves to ski or snowboard.  Alas that is not me.  I am on the couch avoiding the cold while I knit. Not a bad thing in my world but cabin fever does set in a bit quicker if you are not one to venture out into the tundra.  Brrrrr.

And knitting I have been. Finished off a few commissions and am also in the process of working on a shawl pattern that I picked up in Rhinebeck a few years ago.

 

Doesn't look like much yet but I am loving the yarn.  Ottawa by HandMaiden.  The Pattern is Wrap Me Up by Chris de Longpre of KnittingatKnoon.

It is a great stitch sampler shawl.  

This past week was my birthday too. Getting older is a process that needs to be ignored after a certain age and the celebration of said aging process is better left alone ....well... except for the cake.  On the actual day of my day of birth I lunched at a local restaurant, Chatterpaul's, and had the most awesome carrot cake. Love it when Restaurants feed the birthday person no charge!!

I was going to write about the onslaught of time and the aging process. 

Yadda Yadda Yadda. 

And so it goes.

The winter of life grips sweetly. It does not leave. Better learn to go outside in it.

Life in January

January is my month of birth.

I will have completed 54 years of life as of January 29th.

I am not sure what to feel about my encroaching senior citizenship. Should I be glad that I still feel (and some say look) about 10 years younger.

Or.

Should I be freaked out by the actual number of years I have lived and by the fact I still feel so inexperienced.

It is a strange thing to feel like I should be more formed and finalized than I do. I do not think I am alone in feeling this way. Or Maybe I am!!

As a child I looked forward to the day when everything in life was set and perfect. The adult life of ease and being able to make the right decisions.

Somewhere along the line I began to realize that that day had not arrived yet. And still has not.

In my 20's I knew I still had lots of time to achieve perfection.

In my 30's I was part of the creation of 2 perfect babies but I still had not reached that point of completing me.

In my 40's I was actively trying to find my life's passion (other than hubby and children).

Once reaching 50 I finally found my creative and work passion. (Can anybody guess what it is?)(a slap on the wrist to those who know me and don't know!)

And yet at nearly 54 and having found my passion I still feel inexperienced. Life still takes work. I was going to say Happiness takes work but that is not right.

Let me try this... Acceptance of the direction life has taken takes work. Even when there are really fabulous elements in my life there seem to always be more to learn and experience.

Somehow this is making it sound like I am unhappy with my life. I am extremely happy with my life but it is different than what my 15 year old brain imagined. I suppose that,as children, most of us think we will be the ultimate best at whatever we chose to be. But so often, even for the most successful people in the world, we don't end up feeling that way.

So....

Why is that?

Is it the need to learn and continually improve oneself that keeps our neurons firing and keeps us feeling young?

Should I just accept that this state of incompleteness that I feel means that my life will remain interesting and compelling?

Maybe instead of worrying about my inexperience I should rejoice in it.

Maybe that should be the aim of life. To never feel complete until the moment before death

because

once there is nothing left to learn there is nothing left but boredom.

And

Who wants to be bored?

Hmmm...

I have decided....

I should be glad that I still feel (and some say look) about 10 years younger.

Inexperience is good.

It means you are still alive and kicking.

Practice makes Perfect

I have been busy knitting. As always my needles are never empty.

The latest on the needles is the Fiona Ellis scarf Practice Makes Perfect. The yarn that it was originally done in for her book Inspired Cables is no longer available so I decided to try it in Estelle's Alpaca Cashmere Tweed. I am not sure I like it. The yarn is just not luxurious enough for this particular pattern. I like the yarn well enough but just not for this pattern.



So I decided to try it in Debbie Bliss Alpaca silk Aran. Much Much better. Also more expensive. The silk adds the necessary sheen and the drape is going to be fab. The picture is not great and I haven't got much done but I can tell already.

Right now I am knitting the DB scarf by copying what I have done on the Estelle scarf. I forgot the pattern at the store. I am going to have to pop by today to get it.



All this knitting of the scarf is taking me away from what I really need to finish! Betty! It is almost there. I am assembling. I need to put aside the scarf for today and focus. The client is picking it up on Tuesday. I will be so glad to see it leave the store. Betty and I will be breaking up after a long tormentuous relationship. Whew.


Also done recently was felted hearts. Small and fun and quick.

The bag below is done in Berocco's Love It. I improvised the pattern all the way and now have the task of writing up the pattern. It took 2 balls and will make a great beach bag.

Soon Kniterary is starting a cable Afghan knit a long. Below is the first square. The cable is In the Rose Garden. We will be doing 9 12" squares and then assembling them in fall just in time for cold weather.

Recent personal events include my 51st birthday. How did I ever get this old?

The children started their second semester at highschool. Both have math this semester.

It is closing in on a year since I purchased Kniterary and a few big changes are on the horizon! Exciting changes! I can't wait to tell you about it but I must not for now!

Escaping SImpson's

It has been almost a month since I last posted.

I have been distracted by Facebook. I have been chatting and tracking down old friends.

Now, I am escaping The Simpson's. I don't know what it is about that show. When I watch it I usually find it amusing but there are times when I am just not in the mood. Today is one of those times. Lucky aren't y'all?

Since the last post my Patrick turned 14. He is turning into a really great young man but I do miss my baby somtimes!



I have been hopping at the store. Jane Ellison came to visit. I have done a class on Felted bowls and one on felted pumpkins. I got a new sign for the shop and magnetic signs for the van. Right now the store is topsy turvey while I am (actually Jim is) re-assembling and actual desk for the office area.

In knitting.....I continue Betty....(big big sigh). I finished the Hallowig from Knitty so I can wear it to my sorority halloween partay.

Crappy picture I know but I didn't want to get flashback. I am going to call the costume "Knit for Brains". Gee I am soo clever!

I am working on a simple shawl with some handspun alpaca I have in the shop. The green was dyed with Lily of the Valley leaves and the brown is the natural colour of an Alpaca.
The top row is an even darker alpaca brown that will finish the shawl. It is lovely and heavy and WARM. I can't wait to cuddle up in it this winter!


Today I was at Alterknits in Toronto to help Lisa celebrate her birthday. I was impressed with the store which has a lovely little cafe area in the front of the shop and a yarn store at the back. I got some good ideas for Kniterary.

That's all I got for now folks!

Be back soon (I hope).

Birthday Loot

I was planning a day of R & R today but it was not to be. I was asked to work for someone at Fabland and I couldn't say no. I got to fondle linen and twill as I put them on display. I am planning a dress with the linen for summer!

I went to my Mother's place on Saturday evening and had a small celebration with her and my sister. My Mom got me these cute little gingerbread men earrings when she was in Saskatoon.

My sister got me this lovely soft alpaca yarn in sock weight from a farm near to her place called Hollyhock Hill Alpacas. You can find the address here. Unfortunately they have no web site. She also got me the new Vogue Knitting magazine and another mag for knitting (I forget the name) but I forgot to take pictures (silly me).

My sis also gave me a great card with a pic of my teenage crush...David Cassidy. I had posters of him (and Bobby Sherman) all over my bedroom while in high school. Sigh.




When I was at my sorority meeting on Tuesday last I got a pile of fancy yarns and a pair of knitting needles. I'll be making some scarves soon or maybe adding embellishment to purses.


I love the middle ages so I was gifted with this book by my Father. Lovely pictures and sketches for inspiration. I've leafed through it a gazillion times already!


And the most exciting of all is the book I have been wanting since last fall. Knitting on the edge by Nicky Epstein. It is inspiring! I am going to do the cardigan in this book for myself! I especially love the celtic knot edgings!


Sitting on the book is the necklace my Rhea gave me and at the top left is a new charm for my bracelet from Pat. The kids also gave me the Thinkertoys book in the photo with David Cassidy.

Turning 50 is not that overwhelming to me. Just another number. I feel so much younger in heart and mind. Curiosity and creativity can keep you young. It is only my body and the aches and pains that remind me that I am no longer in my 20's.

Of course the mirror gives me a fright on occasion too.

Thanks to everybody for all the well wishes!